Fan vs Fan

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I Trended On Twitter.

The world can end now, I trended on twitter.

https://twitter.com/#!/TrendsmapCanada/status/169312504776884224


This is more unlikely than the following events:


  • A Washington Capitals goalie stopping a shot from more than 50 feet away
  • The San Jose Sharks making the Cup Finals
  • Andreas Nodl scoring 40 goals
  • Zac Rinaldo winning the Lady Byng
  • Steve Mason posting a shutout
  • Sergei Bobrovsky posting a shutout
  • The Flyers winning consecutive shootouts
  • Michael Leighton closing his legs
  • Rick DiPietro playing 60 games in a season
  • The Flyers not having a goalie controversy
  • Marc-Andre Bergeron winning the Norris
  • Daniel Sedin winning a Selke
  • Scott Gomez winning the Rocket Richard
  • Wade Redden playing another NHL game




Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Rejected All Star Skills Competition Ideas

Many people look forward to All Star weekend not just for the game itself, but also for the skills competition. What many people don't realize, is that due to time constraints several other events have been removed from the skills competition, luckily the DGS SuperSpies have found the list of events that were scrapped.


The Event: Bad Contract Roulette
How It Worked: A roulette wheel would be placed and each captain would try to stick his opponent with the contracts of terrible players like Ville Leino and Scott Gomez
Reason for Taking It Out: AHL players like Matt Walker and Wade Redden aren't allowed at the NHL All Star Game.


The Event: Dodge The Elbows
How It Worked: Players would skate around the ice dodging obstacles like Chris Pronger's left elbow and Matt Cooke's right forearm while attempting to handle the puck
Reason for Taking It Out: Matt Cooke seems to have cleaned up his act and Chris Pronger has gone the way of Marc Savard.


The Event: Diving Competition
How It Worked: All Stars would make like Summer Olympians and do a diving competition, complete with judges and everything
Reason for Taking It Out: Every single season, the Sedins would win.



The Event: Big Eats
How It Worked: A buffet would be laid out, and each team would see who could consume more food in the allotted team
Reason for Taking It Out: A small problem arose, Martin Brodeur is no longer an All Star goalie capable of challenging Tim Thomas.


The Event: ECHL Future Stars Game
How It Worked: A group of ECHL players would get to play giving hope to teams who employ Steve Mason and Brett Lebda that maybe some better players would arrive.
Reason for Taking It Out: Anchorage, Alaska; Elmira, New York; Trenton, NJ and Gwinnett Georgia are all considered better places to live than Columbus, Ohio.


Even though these events are gone, one still remains. During the actual All-Star Game we can watch players perform the 2 following events-

1: Play More Defense Than Mike Green

2: Loaf around the Neutral Zone more than Alex Kovalev

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

NHL Christmas Letters

It's 5 days before Christmas, and it seems that the DGS Super Spies have found letters to Santa from hockey players all over the world....we're re-printing some for you here.


From: Paul Holmgren


Dear Santa,

Can you give me a calculator? Everyone tells me I need to learn something called math.

Paul



From: The Florida Panthers

Dear Santa,

Can you make the league take us seriously? We're like in first place and all...

The Florida Panthers



From: Caps GM George McPhee

Dear Santa,

I'm trying to get to the conference finals for a change, but I also want to Fail For Nail. Can you help me with that?

GMGM


Rick Nash and Jarome Iginla oddly wrote the same thing

Dear Santa,

Can I finally play for an NHL team? Please!

Rick/Jarome




From Steve Mason:

Dear Santa,

I want a pony, a chance to play in the AHL and my talent back.

Stevie





From Dwayne Roloson

Dear Santa,

Get Teemu to share his Fountain with me again.

Rolie





From Peter Laviolette

Dear Santa,

I'm calling timeout and taking 30 seconds to make sure this letter is delivered perfectly.

Now, I want a goalie. A real goalie. A goalie who gives me consistent .925 SV%'s. I got Bryzgalov this summer instead. So I need to make sure this happens. Also; can you take out the 35+ provision in the CBA, we need to remove Pronger somehow. Thank you again for your cooperation.

Pete






The Buffalo Sabres

Dear Santa,

Can you bring us Ville Leino? Not this scrub who claims to be Ville but is not very good at hockey.


Pegs





From Roberto Luongo,

Dear Santa,

Last year, I asked that the Canucks find a way to succeed in spite of my choking. I didn't actually mean for you to find Cory Schneider.

Lou.






From Lou Lamoriello

Dear Santa,

Bah, humbug. Get through my trap, then dodge my jelly. Then find me a way to sign Zach Parise.

Lou



From Tim Thomas

Dear Santa,

Donuts. Lots of them.

Timmy

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

NHL Conference Names

With the NHL Realignment coming in, there are 4 conferences and 0 divisions. Now comes the hard part, naming them. Luckily we here at DGS have some ideas. Feel free to add in your own as well.




The Idea- Norris, Patrick, Campbell, Adams
Pros- These familiar names would show the NHL returning to tradition and these names would make sense to die hard fans.
Cons- This idea makes sense, therefore the NHL would never use it.




The Idea- Pacific, Central, Mid-Atlantic, East
Pros- These names would fit the geography of the league, making it easy for casual fans to know which conference their team plays in.
Cons- This also makes too much sense for Gary Bettman to consider it.




The Idea- Never on NBC (Coyotes), Rarely on NBC (Chicago), HNiC (Toronto), VERSUS NIGHTLY! (Flyers)
Pros- This would be perfectly accurate in describing how television deals would work.
Cons- Actually, Gary Bettman would use this, except that the names would be ruined by the impending relocation of Phoenix to the new Markham, Ontario arena.




The Idea- Orr (Toronto), Lemieux (New Jersey), Howe (Detroit), Gretzky (Coyotes)
Pros- There really aren't any...except if you look at Bobby Orr, Mario Lemieux, Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky of the Oilers instead of the following guys:
Cons- Naming a conference after a current hockey player goon (Colton Orr), a terrible coach (Gretzky), a Flyers Hall of Famer who played for the Red Wings (Mark Howe) and Claude Lemieux (Dirty NJ Devils forward) make no sense.



The Idea- Los Angeles Kings, Red Wings-Hawks, Colie Campbell's Kid, $$$$$
Pros- Accurately describes the most publicized parts of each conference
Cons- Do the $$$$$ refer to Ilya Kovalchuk, Ilya Bryzgalov, Glen Sather's contracts to Richards and Redden, Rick DiPietro or someone else?

Friday, December 2, 2011

NHL Announces the non suspension of John Carlson for headshotting Matt Cooke

Well, luckily, the DGS SuperSpies actually caught the reason why Brendan Shanahan elected not to suspend Matt Cooke for the headshot he received from John Carlson the other night.

(Please Note: we are grateful there were no serious injuries on the play. Carlson's elbow should be good to go forever, and Cooke was only faking injury to draw a call)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

An Open Letter To The Fans of DGS

Dear Fans,

It's been one hell of a run over the last 18 or so months. I started this site in April 2010 with the intent of having a few laughs at the expense of a team that lucked their way into the playoffs and would be slaughtered in the first round. Then Brian Boucher beat the Devils.

Luckily, it seemed like Boston could do the deed, but no, Michael Leighton returned and Simon Gagne put game 7 to bed and we kept on going. The Habs just rolled over and the 2010 season ended with Michael Leighton's 5 hole giving me more material than I could possibly have dreamed.

That said, I picked up an audience, I got fans, so I kept writing, picked up two amazing cowriters along the way (PhillyGirl and ItsAFez- both of whom I am proud to call friends as well) and kept going and we had a lot of fun along the way.

That said, things have changed for me, Matt, the guy who runs this show. For one, if you haven't noticed, I've become an ECHL beat writer covering the Trenton Titans for TCL-Flyers. And second, I'm now in the real world with a real job. Writing posts on the blog in college while avoiding homework was easy, things are a little bit different now.

That being said, I don't intend to shut the site down and I will still post on occasion. The days of seeing 10-20 posts a month are probably gone though. My goal is one or two a week now. Don't worry, I'm sure we can still keep Leighton's goalie diary going, and Fez will surely continue to reference Doctor Who.

Also, to all the regular readers, thank you, it was you guys coming here and showing that I have some sort of drawing power that helped me get the confidence to jump into the ECHL Titans gig, without you, I couldn't make that jump, so please check out the creature you created, especially if you're a Flyers fan.


Matt

Sunday, November 13, 2011

More NHL iPods

Just over a year ago I did a piece of NHL iPods talking about players favorite songs. It seems like it's time to do it again, This time with music videos!



Scott Hartnell:

Top 3 songs:
-Falling Down by the Birthday Massacre



-Falling by Lacuna Coil



-Falling Again by Lacuna Coil






Terry Pegula: Owner of the Buffalo Sabres



This always seemed to play for him...


Blair Betts: Bad pun on a name alert...




Paul Ranger: Where'd you go?





A Certain Philadelphia Reporter who loves to make up stories and is horribly incompetent:



What song better than "Storytime", something that implies everything is fiction.


Rick DiPietro: The Islander because no matter what, he's always going to be an Islander.




Antti Niemi: Nemo...what's better than a song named after you?





Rick Nash: Over the Hills and Far Away, which is basically him wanting out of Columbus...






The Carolina Hurricanes: Stone People, aka the Hurricanes Defense




Sergei Gonchar: For the Heart I Once Had...because once I got to Ottawa, I stopped giving a sh!t




Sieve Mason: Better Days....he's had them




Ville Leino: Wish You Were Here...as in...he wishes he was still on a line with Scott Hartnell and Danny Briere to carry him...






Finally: Charles Wang, NYI owner....Gimme Shelter...as in a new Arena

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Braydon Coburn Contract Facts

Editor's Note:  Relax, kids. This is comedy. Have a laugh this time, in the words of Ilya Bryzgalov, "why you heff ta be mad?"


Braydon Coburn just signed a 4 year contract extension worth $18 million yesterday. While many people have questionable doubts, the DGS superspies were able to calculate exactly how Coby plans on spending this money.


$12 Million will go to being a hockey player. A lot of people think $3M would have been fair for Coburn and so did he, hence, he's budgeted this money as his fair salary,

$5 Million will go to nose related expenses. When you're nose is as big as Coburn's you need to budget significant funds. In fact, here's 5 things Coburn's nose does...

1. In the event of a water landing, Coburn's nose can function as a flotation device.

2. Chris Pronger's hidden a stash of pucks inside of Coburn's nose

3. Should times become desperate, Braydon Coburn's nose may function as an emergency goaltender*

4. Braydon Coburn's nose has been screening Steve Mason since 2009, leading to Mason's very long slump.

5. The gravitational pull of Coburn's nose is so massive, it causes Scott Hartnell to fall down. A lot.

*-Coburn's nose as a goaltender has the equivalent talent of 1 Vesa Toskala.






$1 Million was budgeted as Prize Money for a fight that hadn't happened yet.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Easy Halloween Costumes for NHL Players

Scott Hartnell: Bozo the Inflatable Clown (even bounces back!)
























Danny Briere: Leprechaun


























Claude Giroux: This guy, only GINGER (which would make him happy)


















Ilya Bryzgalov: A bobblehead (He's already showing off
his costume!)









Daniel Sedin (Costume: the guy on the right) and Henrik Sedin (Costume: the guy on the left)














Zac Rinaldo: an insane guy




















Wayne Simmonds: Train conductor























Kyle Wellwood, Timmy Thomas, Marty Brodeur group costume (now joined by Dustin Byfuglien): Plates at a buffet table